Down on the Farm

This past weekend, Travis and I went visit my aunt and uncle in Crawford, Texas. They have a beautiful place there with lots of cattle and donkeys. Travis and I love it there. It is so peaceful and a great place to just get away. We had a blast during our visit and quite the adventure. When we pulled up we were greeted with the "Welcome Peanut" sign! What a surprise! I sent them an email the day before announcing our pregnancy and referred to the baby as our little peanut.

After arriving, we visited for a bit before heading out to On the Border. My cousin Jess was also visiting so it was good for all of us to be together and catch up on everything! After dinner, we came home and watched the UFC fights. Now I must say, I'm not a fan of the fights but I did get into it while it was on tv. The next morning, we went eat at this little Mexican restaurant called Lolita's! So yummy! After returning from some errands, we arrive back at the ranch and low and behold, one of there cows is in labor!!! Not something I was expecting to watch! The cow was in such distress due to being in labor for so long, that we did not think the calf would make it out alive. My uncle had to walk the cow up the ranch into this squeeze machine because they were going to have to pull out the calf themselves! I knew this was something I couldn't miss seeing even if it was going to gross me out! So, there I was sitting back anxiously awaiting the birth of this calf while my uncle, his neighbor, and Travis (yep, he was involved!) pulled this calf with these tools out of the cow! After several minutes of trying to get the cow to cooperate, they were able to pull out the calf. I will admit, this was nothing pretty to see and I'm not sure how my weak stomach pulled it off but I was in complete awe of the whole situation! (After hearing that cow in so much pain, I looked at Travis and said I'm getting the drug when it's time for me to go in labor!) It's not everyday you see a calf being born! After some time passed and the momma cow had time to attempt to bond with her calf we went back down to the barn to check on them. The momma cow still wasn't going near her calf to clean him off and feed it. She was in such distress from the whole situation but who wouldn't be after going through all of that. Hopefully, she will come around soon and nurture her calf.

Here is a picture of our dog Cooper and my aunt and uncle's dog Pearlie. They finally passed out on Sunday afternoon after playing non-stop for two days! I think they met each other's match! Cooper is still recuperating from his playtime with Pearlie!

All in all, it was a great visit and we can't wait to go up there again! Who knows, we may see another calf being born!

Love,

Mary

We're PREGNANT!

It's true! Travis and I are pregnant! We were going to try and wait and tell everyone at Christmas when I would be 12 weeks but we were just too excited not too! We found out last week and had trouble keeping it a secret for that long! I am about 6 weeks along and feel great! The day I found out, I was in the doctor's office doing blood work so they could check my HCG level and my progesterone level. The results showed that my levels were high which is what we wanted to see. I went back for a second round of blood work so they could make sure my levels tripled from the previous results. Sure enough they multiplied by 5!!! We were so excited that the results came back positive! I go in for my first ultrasound on the 30th and from that point will go in every two weeks so the doctor can keep a close eye on me and the baby. We're so very thankful for that! Travis and I feel so good about this baby and the way I feel compared to the first one is so much better! The only thing I can complain about is that I'm tired which is normal.

I can only hope and pray that this baby, "our peanut," continues to grow and stay healthy so the day will come where Travis and I can hold it in our arms and tell it how much we love it.

Please continue to pray for me, Travis, and our peanut as we continue this exciting journey!

Love,

Mary

A Walk to Remember

On Sunday, Travis and I participated in the 'Walk to Remember' in honor of our little girl and all other unborn children. Neither one of us knew what to expect from the memorial or how we would feel. When it started, we each had to stand up and say why we were there. It was good to hear everyone else's stories and struggles and see that they too still struggle no matter how long ago it happened. After everyone told their story, we had a poem read to us and then it was time to take our walk around the lake. When we finished our walk, we were given a pink balloon to represent our little girl and were told to write a little message to our baby. We wrote our message and when everyone was ready we released them into the air. Travis and I sat there, for which felt like an eternity, watching our little pink balloon float high up into the sky until we could no longer see it. I started to cry watching it get higher and higher into the sky and I think at that moment it both hit us the symbolism of why we were sending that pink balloon up.

After we could no longer see the balloon, we headed back to truck, hand in hand, and more at peace than we have ever been since we started this journey. We both agreed that this was something that we needed to do to not only remember our little girl that we only had for a few short weeks but to give us the peace and closure to continue to move on and try again.

I'm going to leave you with a poem that was shared with us at the memorial...

Little Footprints

How very softly you tiptoed into my world.

Almost silently, only a moment you stayed.

But what an imprint your footsteps

have left upon my heart.

We love you Peanut and you will always be in our hearts!

Love Y'all!

Mary

This and That

I haven't written in a while and figured I would give a quick update of things that are going on. I am still loving my new job in Frisco. The staff is amazing and have made me feel so welcomed from day one. My kids are great! They are so funny at times. I have double the caseload from last year but it seems easier at the same time. I have to share a conversation that I had with one of my third graders last week. We were sitting at the table playing UNO and he says to me "Who do you think invented UNO?" I responded with "I'm not sure." After much thinking he says, "I bet it was a bunch of Mexicans!" After gaining my composure, I asked him "Why do you think that?" He says "Well, UNO means 1 in Spanish!" I think he expected me to know his logic behind that answer since I was the teacher. :) It was the cutest thing!

Travis is still working hard at his job. He is working for a company called Cyprexx that is based out of Tampa. He is an inspector for foreclosed homes. He loves it and loves the fact that it's always new and not a repetitive job. He does travel one or two days during the week but it beats the night shift everyday that he was working at his old job. He is so happy and doing an amazing job! I'm so proud of him!

This weekend, we are participating in the "Walk to Remember." It's a walk for parents of unborn children. It gives us a chance to remember them. It's one of the many memorials that are held throughout the year. I have lots of emotions going through of how this day will be and what Travis and I will be feeling. We are both so fortunate that the Medical Center of Plano takes time to honor these 'angels.' We think of our little girl often and I still have my moments of a complete breakdown but have relied on my faith to get me through those hard days. Please continue to pray for strength and that we may be able to have a little miracle of our own very soon.

Love to all!

Mary

Update

Just wanted to send a quick update on lab results from our baby. The doctor called us last week to let us know that there were no chromosome abnormalities with the baby. It was just a common miscarriage. We were so relieved to hear that everything was fine but just sad that it wouldn't take. Since they did a chromosome test, they were able to tell us the sex of the baby. We didn't think it would be possible to tell, but they told us it was a little girl. It became so much more real for Travis and I knowing that it was a girl but it gave us closure. Since the call, it has made moving on a little bit easier. Everyday is a better day for us!

On another note, I was watching the TODAY show yesterday, and one of their stories was the common cause of miscarriage. It was amazing to hear of other women's stories and how they overcame their miscarriage. You don't realize how common miscarriages are and how often they occur until you talk to someone about your own. There is a group of women that are opening their voices about miscarriages and how all women that experience the pain of losing a child still need their time to grieve. From a personal standpoint, I think it's even harder when you have seen the baby and the heartbeat and then lose your baby. You start developing a bond so early on and it's such a part of you.

We have started looking at the positives that this miscarriage brought to Travis and I and that's what makes us stronger. We know God has a better plan for us and that's who we have to put our faith in.

Thanks for all of you who pray for us. We love you!

Mary

Keeping the Faith

Where do I begin....As most of you know, Travis and I have gone through a rough couple of weeks. On Friday, August 7th, we were headed for our second check-up on our baby. It was the day we were waiting for...we were finally going to hear the heartbeat. We were so excited! A few days prior to the appointment, I told Travis that something didn't feel right with my body. I felt like I had lost our baby. He kept reassuring me I was just scared and everything was fine since I was still getting sick during the day. So, we get to the doctor's office and wait patiently for her to come in the room. It felt like a lifetime but was only 30 minutes. She pulls out the doppler so we can hear the heartbeat. She couldn't get anything which was common she said especially since my heart rate was beating so fast. We move into the ultrasound room. I was excited because we were going to see how big our little peanut grew. She puts the gel on my stomach and tries to get a reading...nothing! At that point, I turned to Travis and told him something was wrong. For some reason, I never looked at the screen. Finally, we try an internal ultrasound. I glanced quickly at the screen and our baby had grown so much since we first saw it. My doctor tries to get a heartbeat and again nothing! The heartbeat flatlined and our baby wasn't moving. It was measuring at 10 weeks. I broke down into tears and cried in Travis' arms. I felt so helpless and blamed myself. My doctor gave us some time and then came in and talked with us about what the next steps would be and reassured me that I did nothing wrong and that miscarriages were very common in first time pregnancies. I didn't care. All I knew was that we lost our baby that we already loved so much. Since I didn't pass it, we scheduled a D and C to remove the baby so that they could run tests to make sure there were no chromosomal abnormalities. 

That Sunday, my parents came up to be with Travis and I during this time and try to help us keep our minds busy. We were struggling with this so much. After receiving the news, I just cried for the next two days. There are no words to explain what it's like to lose your baby. On Tuesday morning, I go in for my surgery. Of course, I'm scared because this is my first surgery ever and they have to put me completely under and I hated the reason of why I was there. Travis and my parents were by my side until they rolled me away into the operating room. Fortunately, everything went really well and recovery wasn't too bad. My parents stayed with me until Wed. because Travis had to leave for Houston after they released me from the hospital. I was so glad that he was able to stay with me the entire time. I returned to work on Wednesday which I was glad about to keep my mind off of everything but I had the hardest time and broke down several times throughout the day.

On Thursday night, things took a turn for the worse. I started having severe pains in my stomach and was passing blood clots for 2 hours. The pain kept getting worse so I eventually ended up in the emergency room. Our friends Meagan and Matt brought me and Travis met us there once his plane landed. We were in the hospital until 2am! I ended up having mild anemia due to the amount of blood loss and my blood count was low. They considered admitting me in the hospital to do a blood tranfusion due to the amount of blood loss but because it was a result of the surgery they decided to let me go (thank goodness!). They put me on cytotec (?) to help reduce the bleeding but told me that it would cause severe cramping...great! So of course, at 5am I started screaming in pain. The pain finally went away after about 2 long hours. I made an appointment to meet with my OBGYN that afternoon to follow up with the results from the emergency room. She explained to Travis and I that the pain that I was experiencing was contractions. She took me off the cytotec and put me on an iron supplement to boost my blood count. After a quick exam, she said everything is healing as it should be which was a relief to Travis and I especially after what we had experienced less than 24 hours before. She is very confident that we will be able to get pregnant really soon and that this will be a healthy pregnancy. Of course, it's never a guarantee but that's what she feels based on what she has seen. It was such good news for Travis and I to hear this. We both know that we have to stay positive and know that God has a plan for us that's far better than what we think. It's just hard to see the big picture of that plan right now. 

There are no words to explain what we are going through and how you feel when you lose your baby. We were both attached to the baby and loved it so much. It will always be our first baby. For me, it's much harder because it was my body that was going through the changes. I felt such an empty feeling on Tuesday when I knew that our baby was no longer with me. Through the hospital, there is a program called Healing Matters that we are going to join. They have meetings each month for parents of unborn children and they do have a place of rest for our baby at the Plano Municipal Cemetary which is some closure for Travis and I. We know that there's a place that we can visit our little angel. Each May, they do a memorial for all of the unborn children that we will also participate in. We think it's a great way of remembering these babies that never had the chance to be welcomed into this world. 

Each day gets better and we know that we will get through this. I do have my moments where I will just break down into tears. We are staying positive and strong and putting our faith in God to get us through this. We know that we have an angel above that is looking down on us. 

To our family and friends... you are all amazing and Travis and I are so blessed to have each and every one of you in our lives. We couldn't have done this without you. Thank you for the cards, emails, phone calls, and most of all, your prayers. We know that with time, this pain that we feel will heal and that one day, we will welcome a wonderful and healthy baby into this world that we will love with all of heart. Thank you for all of your support. 

We love you!

Mary and Travis

Our 1 Year Anniversary

This past Sunday, Travis and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary at a bed and breakfast! I can't believe a year has gone by from when we said "I Do." I remember the day we got engaged and all of the planning began for a wedding in 6 months in Louisiana! We had so much fun putting all of the details together for the big day. My parents had to do most of the planning and details since we were away. They did an amazing job and it was a special time for my mom and I. Our wedding day finally came, and everything went better than we could have ever expected. When my dad walked me down the aisle, it was such an emotional moment for the both of us. I was so excited to see Travis standing at the alter so we can start our new life together as husband and wife. It was a day that I will always remember and will forever cherish. 

Thank you mom and dad for making this one of the most special days of our lives. 

Travis,  thank you for always loving me and being here for me. We have had some wonderful memories in our first year of marriage and I can't wait to continue our life with our new family and our new memories that we will make together. I love you with all of my heart!

At the Bed and Breakfast for our Anniversary